Days Like This: scramble some eggs and listen to a song

There are Days Like This: You wake up and the weight of the day rushes on top of you like a flash-flood. The anxieties you've been pushing to the back of your mind, the rent, the bills, the love lost, the pains you thought you've left behind. Sometimes, it's not even that -- sometimes, it's just a heavy nothingness. You wake up and you can't get your body to move.

I've struggled with Days Like This for years, and while they still incapacitate me every now and then, I've learned two important things.

One, I can outlast them. They're just days. Sometimes, just hours. Over and over, I've found that if I hang on, if I let myself survive for just a little longer, I'll open my eyes after a while and the weight will have lifted. I just need to outlast it -- perhaps with a friend, with a book, or yes, with a song.

Two, I can scramble some eggs.

Let me explain the eggs.

There is a beautiful passage written by Larkin Warren on grieving:

"After the first death, there is no other," wrote Dylan Thomas. That doesn't mean the ones that come after won't break your heart, but it's the first that punches your soul's passport. Welcome, fellow human, to a different country than the one you woke up to this morning. The air's different here; so is the scenery. Your knees don't work so well; in fact, you may want to fall to them. 

For a precious little while, you are allowed to be stunned into silence, or to shriek, or to talk—recounting stories of who he was, what she meant to you, and how it all came to an end. Tell those stories. Some people may try to enforce "The Rules," to wit: Enough of This Drama Is Enough. Ignore them. Besides, if you treat yourself gently and take the time you need, someday soon you'll hear the faint but steady voice of your own good sense. Play music you love, sit in the sunshine if you can find some, and if anyone offers you a hand, hold it. Let them feed the cat, too, because they want to be useful. If your good sense does not kick in on its own, help it along: scramble some eggs. It will feel strange at first. But if you pretend that scrambling eggs is normal, eventually it will become normal. Soon you can squeeze some orange juice, too. 

For some of us the stay in this new country seems endless. But time passes, seasons change, and, truly, would those we grieve for want us to mope? Come with me, back into the world. We'll return to this land someday, all too soon, but in the meantime the garden needs weeding, the bills need paying. Your other loved ones need you. And you, my sweet friend, you could use a shampoo.

The author may have written this passage specifically for those who have lost a loved one, but I find that the advice is applicable for anyone going through Days Like This. It doesn't matter what causes it -- grief, anxiety, depression -- the bottom line is that you feel paralyzed.

During more lucid seasons, I try to ponder objectively about Days Like This, and I realize that perhaps I get incapacitated because I am overwhelmed. Perhaps in my head, I am facing something so incredibly big that it feels impossible to fight. Whether it's a painful memory or just the water bill, in my head, it's my whole life that feels hopeless. I feel like I cannot do anything at all.

This is where the eggs work. Scrambling eggs is such as small, simple task, and it's something I am able to do. When I remember that this task is in front of me, I remember that I can still move. It's a way to get my feet on the floor. To take a few steps. To get my blood pumping again into my arms, into my hands. With this small, simple beating (of the heart, of the fork), I start moving again.

I think this is what Mr. Warren means with the line "If your good sense does not kick in on its own, help it along." Sometimes, it needs a little prodding. You don't necessarily have to scramble eggs every time. In fact, "scrambling eggs" has become my personal code for any simple activity that I can do, any little achievable reason to get back on my feet. Like rearranging my clothes or going out for a snack or finishing a blog post. :)

Often, there's music, too. Songs are free and powerful and uncannily spot-on at certain moments. I know there's a song or two that helps you outlast Days Like This. Listen to it. Here's my own personal eight-track:

• Paramore - Last Hope
• Coldplay - Everglow
• Kaskade ft. Becky Jean Williams - 4 AM
• Jack's Mannequin - Swim
• Jose Gonzalez - Stay Alive
• twenty one pilots - Car Radio
• Jose Gonzalez - Step Out
• Arcade Fire - Wake Up

"It's just a spark, but it's enough to keep me going," Paramore sings. I know what it is. It's scrambling eggs. It's a few simple steps. It's getting out of bed. More often than not, on Days Like This, that's enough.

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